There are some words and phrases that have been appropriated by some of the cycling community which always make me smile when I hear them or see people using them in social media.  I imagine that in my time I may well have been guilty myself but let’s list a few of them


These are examples of times when it is acceptable to use this word

  1. When describing what you are about to do to an object. “Help, there’s a fire. I’m going to smash the glass on that fire alarm!”
  2. When describing a tasty 70’s snack. “This Smash is so much nicer than real mashed potato.”
  3. Possibly whilst watching a 70’s Saturday afternoon wrestling match.  “Mick McManus has just hit Giant Haystacks with a forearm smash!”
  4. Watching Andy Murray lose another final.  “Great smash by Djokovic/Federer/Nadal!”

Unless you are a professional or elite rider please do not say any of the following. Even if you are a professional or elite rider, please use sparingly

“Going out on my bike and I’m going to smash it.” (unless example 1 above applies but why would you want to do that!?)

“I smashed that strava segment.” (strava w*nker?)

“I’m starving, I’m going to smash my dinner/some cake/chocolate”



They are your legs.  The only person you are only fooling is yourself.



A steed.

Ade's Road Cycling Blog

Not a steed.


Audax Specific Words

Short Ride – 200km or less

Long Ride – 400km or more

Ride – anything else

Rolling – used to describe a ride that involves thousands of feet of climbing with little or no respite

Undulating – the profile looks like shark’s teeth and you’d better have at least 34-28…

A bit hilly – Himalayas

Running Repair – where the top tube has come away from the head tube and is held together by a piece of chewing gum and a ziptie (“It’ll be good for another 100k…”)

Expensive – any cafe where a cup of tea is more than 50p

Carradice – Tardis-like seatpack with the capacity to hold most of your bike shed – usually just has your sandwiches and some zipties in it

Time Trial Specific Words

CdA – want less of this.  Don’t know what it is but am prepared to pay lots for less of it

Watts – want more of this but that takes hard work.  Think I can get round this by buying less of the above.  Repeat ad infinitum…

Cyclocross Specific Words

A bit muddy – Glastonbury on a very, very wet day

Muddy – Glastonbury after a week of very wet days

Technical – like trying to thread yourself on your bike through the eye of a needle.  With 100 other riders all at the same time.

Tricky Descent – 45% muddy drop lined with protruding tree roots and a 90deg turn at the bottom

Tyre Pressure – you want less of this for the mud and more for the tree roots.  At the same time.


If you use these terms, good for you, I’m only having a bit of fun.  Leave a comment with any other cycling terms that make you smile.  Anyway, my pistons feel great today. Lots of watts. I’m off out on my favourite steed to smash a few strava segments on an undulating short ride.  That’s numberwang…